An Online Therapeutic Movement
Elizabeth.

nonlocalrelation:

Somewhere in the midst of one of the most hellish workouts I’ve ever done, one where every nociceptor in my body was firing in synaptic terror and tears streamed down my face mercifully lost in sheets of choking sweat, it occurred to me that for some time in my life - while I’ve been lucky to…

I know the feeling.

- Angry

Why do you Crossfit?

This was the question I ended with during last week’s Mindset at Crossfit Hollywood.  I know it sounds a bit dramatic a la Dave Castro introducing open Wods.  But I think it’s a question we forget to ask ourselves.  And I think we need to once in a while. 

I’ll go first.  I started Crossfit because I wanted abs.  That’s it.  I always had a layer of walrus skin around my waist and thought this would shed it.  Then I become more interested in the concepts and methodology as it became a daily ritual in my life.  Slowly interest turned into self curiosity.  Interest is always the buy in. But self curiosity, turning curiosity inward, is where the traction is. 

I became very curious about my physical limits, how far I could push myself before I had to stop.  About my fears, if I could dissolve them and if so, how that would transfer outside the box.  About my inner critic and how much I listen to him screaming through that a giant megaphone.  About energy, attitude, breathing, and comparing, and how all that plays our in performance but also life.  Recently with my insomnia, if can Wod in a healthy way with three hours of sleep and if my body could adjust to those circumstances.  Then what else is possible?  There is tremendous power in curiosity.  It can transform your thinking if you keep asking yourself the right questions.  And how you think will reflect your performance.

Why do I Crossfit?  To rewire my thinking.  To crush false beliefs.  To know what it feels like to build something.  To wear a cape.  To lean into my fears and position myself toward my potential.    Crossfit is not just a workout.  It can be one of the most powerful therapeutic tools you can have.

With the right mindset.

- Angry

www.theangrytherapist.com

It’s so awesome to have more men on my team.  Sean is a good friend and an powerful life coach on sex-love-relationship addictions.  Excited to have him on board.  
Greetings. My name is Sean and I’m here to work with folks who want to share on addiction, specifically the sex-love-and-relationships kind. I’ve found that these kinds of addiction are rooted in a “broken” or adversely developed sense of intimacy. We love too much or too little and turn to alternatives like porn and compulsion, isolation, and repetition. We find ourselves locked in the tractor-beam of codependency; we act “in” or act “out,” instead of healthily gravitating toward true intimacy.  
The compassion people who talk with me seek and need can’t be learned via fear, shaming, or brow-beating, but instead with more compassion. Our conversations can be a safe haven for folks who need an ear to bend; or they can be constructive feedback sessions. I’m not a therapist, but I can be a sounding board, reflecting back what I hear in others’ stories. And in that dialogue, maybe some self-care can be gleaned; maybe some grist for the mental and spiritual mill can be ground.
I was born and raised in Northern California and graduated from UC Berkeley before working for over 15 years in Hollywood as a creative exec, script analyst, copy writer, and screenwriter. Upon examining my own persistent and tortuous “character flaws” and their damaging effects on me and my loved ones, I found my sense and expression of spirituality lacking. For the last six years, I’ve worked diligently and vigilantly on re-learning compassion and intimacy; practicing meditation and anger management; and acting with a better sense of personal responsibility and self-care. I’ve never been more aware of and in touch with my spiritual, mental, and physical well-being.
Check out my ramble on http://www.lovemeanyways.com/post/87417512493/theangrytherapist-i-am-an-awesome-father-if-i which starts out with the brazen phrase, “I am an awesome father, if I may say so.” And drop me a line if you feel so inclined; I’m here to listen.
You can schedule a session with him at www.theangrytherapist.com

It’s so awesome to have more men on my team.  Sean is a good friend and an powerful life coach on sex-love-relationship addictions.  Excited to have him on board. 

Greetings. My name is Sean and I’m here to work with folks who want to share on addiction, specifically the sex-love-and-relationships kind. I’ve found that these kinds of addiction are rooted in a “broken” or adversely developed sense of intimacy. We love too much or too little and turn to alternatives like porn and compulsion, isolation, and repetition. We find ourselves locked in the tractor-beam of codependency; we act “in” or act “out,” instead of healthily gravitating toward true intimacy.  

The compassion people who talk with me seek and need can’t be learned via fear, shaming, or brow-beating, but instead with more compassion. Our conversations can be a safe haven for folks who need an ear to bend; or they can be constructive feedback sessions. I’m not a therapist, but I can be a sounding board, reflecting back what I hear in others’ stories. And in that dialogue, maybe some self-care can be gleaned; maybe some grist for the mental and spiritual mill can be ground.

I was born and raised in Northern California and graduated from UC Berkeley before working for over 15 years in Hollywood as a creative exec, script analyst, copy writer, and screenwriter. Upon examining my own persistent and tortuous “character flaws” and their damaging effects on me and my loved ones, I found my sense and expression of spirituality lacking. For the last six years, I’ve worked diligently and vigilantly on re-learning compassion and intimacy; practicing meditation and anger management; and acting with a better sense of personal responsibility and self-care. I’ve never been more aware of and in touch with my spiritual, mental, and physical well-being.

Check out my ramble on http://www.lovemeanyways.com/post/87417512493/theangrytherapist-i-am-an-awesome-father-if-i which starts out with the brazen phrase, “I am an awesome father, if I may say so.” And drop me a line if you feel so inclined; I’m here to listen.

You can schedule a session with him at www.theangrytherapist.com

Date night.
- Angry

Date night.

- Angry

"Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived."
 ~Dalai Lama

New Office Hours.  “If my boner was a gong, some thoughts on depression, and the power of curiosity.”

I Struggled With Depression For Years. This Is How I Finally Healed

For years, I suffered from terrible depression. As a teenager, I realized I needed help. I was becoming more and more dysfunctional and thoughts of dying were quickly becoming my only source of relief.

I was proud of myself for admitting I had a problem and seeking help. I thought I was embarking on a road to healing, but instead I found myself trapped in a nightmare that lasted over a decade with a dozen or so medications that didn’t work and therapists who were unequipped to deal with my deepening depression.

After about 12 years of trying every medication on the market, and ending up on the highest dose allowable on each before admitting they weren’t working, I had had enough of all the medications. Frustrated and exhausted, I decided to try one last psychiatrist who had been given a lot of press for being unconventional. For the first time in forever, I felt a glimmer of hope, that he would have some sort of new answer that would save me.

Instead, he diagnosed me with a rare form of bipolar where instead of swinging from high to low, and drew a sine wave which represented my life, way below the normal baseline of human experience. In that moment, all hope was vacuumed out of my soul with unbearable force.

It seemed that once again, I was being forced to conclude that believing in my own sanity was just another component of my mental illness.

At this point, I felt like I had lost all hope and had been completely abandoned by whatever higher power I still believed in and so, I decided to die. I disconnected emotionally from anyone I still held onto in my heart.

It was here, in this space of total blackness, that I found there were just two tiny details that I could not let go of.

Was the joy and tranquillity I dreamed of, that I remembered from so long ago when I was very small, all just the delusion of a sick mind? Was there really such thing as a fate to suffer so carved in permanence that there was nothing I could do to change it?

I realized that I still needed answers to these questions. There was only one thing I could see that I had not tried yet: listening to that small voice deep within that never, no matter how medicated I was, stopped trying to tell me: I am not mentally ill. There is something greater in store for me. This is not the way.

I can’t explain why detoxing off all the meds seemed like the next logical step, but at that point, that’s what I felt I needed to do.

I guess somewhere, I felt like I needed to get back to my natural state and see exactly what I was dealing with.

I could no longer tell what was my own state of depression and what aspects of what I was dealing with were side effects induced by all of these chemicals.

So, I got off of everything.

The detox off of these “nonaddictive” pills was an excruciating hell of physical symptoms: the worst nausea imaginable, chronic fatigue, full body pain to the point where I couldn’t stand anything touching my skin, migraines, vertigo, deafening ringing of the ears, brain zaps. It lasted almost a year. Even worse were the psychological side effects. It was as if my brain had lost the whatever weak ability it had to regulate itself. I full of rage, hopelessly depressed, hallucinating, anxious to the point of mania, a complete insomniac, suicidal, confused about small things and also enormous things, like my own identity.

During this time I supported myself nutritionally with supplements such as B-complex, D vitamins, Glutathione, Omega-3 fatty acids and cut out all of the gluten, sugar, chemicals and processed foods. I used acupuncture to reduce many of the physical symptoms.

And … I found a new therapist, one who had actually experienced depression herself and seemed to have a different understanding of it. She said we needed to examine the root causes of my depression, the time in my life when it formed, all of the relationships that shaped me when I was young, all the pain I had never spoken about, all of the pain that I didn’t even know I was carrying.

No one had ever asked me about any of that in all of those years of therapy. Then, she spoke of something I had never in my life before heard: the end of my treatment.

After a little over a year of seeing her regularly, I felt like I woke up inside my life. I could suddenly see how every aspect of my life was created from a depressed state, and therefore served to keep me in it. I got out of an abusive relationship, a career that I hated, a state I didn’t want to live in, and friendships that only worked as long as I was quiet and defective.

What I have come to realize is that the problem lies in the way depression is understood and the courses of treatment that stem from that understanding.

One of the most damaging moments in my journey was the first time I had the courage to reach out and seek help and was labeled mentally ill.

I spent over a decade in three different states seeking help for depression, and I have seen a broad variety of all types of health care professionals.

There is a very clear summary of how they see depression. According to these beliefs, depression is a mental illness, a nebulous disease, some type of chemical imbalance that we don’t really understand and treatment is more about managing it and learning to cope than actually “getting better.”

It’s been six years since I’ve been off of all the meds and so much has changed in that time. I have reconstructed my entire life into one that I can thrive in.

I think the greatest difference is just waking up in the morning and feeling joy over nothing except my own existence.

That is the feeling I was desperately seeking all of those years, and it brings me to tears to realize I have finally lived my way into it. What I have come to understand is that depression is a suppressed level of functioning caused by many distinctly identifiable things. If you resolve these things, the depression resolves itself. Permanently.

People who are depressed live in a thick, murky soup of confusion over their own truth, anger that has been so stuffed down they don’t even know it’s there, pain that they don’t have language for, grief that hasn’t been allowed to evolve to a healed state of acceptance and gratitude, loss that is not so straightforward, trauma that is often complicated and psychological (if not physical) and tremendous sensitivities all sealed inside a pressure cooker of the body with a hefty sprinkling of shame.

When you begin to understand this, suddenly a very faint map starts to appear. Routes to freedom appear. A logical progression of the things that must be done to heal. Ways to grow. Suddenly there is room for excitement. Empowerment. Hope. Life.

I think that everyone struggles with these things at least in small ways but had I not suffered so extremely, I might never have been forced to look so closely at them. There was a message buried deep in my depression, one that revealed itself when I finally started to listen. It was actually a calling to break myself apart, examine all the pieces, and build something entirely new.

Catalyst Padhia Avocado

Are you a stepping stone?

An ex once said to me, “This is bullshit.  Now some other girl gets to experience a better version of you.”  

Nothing will promote or stunt growth more than an intimate relationship or the expiration of one. Many turn their break ups into break throughs.  Their experience in the relationship gave them new tools / lenses.  Or the “failure” of the relationship forced them to finally look at themselves, beginning a process of growth.  This leaves the other person feeling like a stepping stone.

I get it.  I think it’s fair.  I can see how one can feel like they got the short end of the stick after investing themselves in something they believed in.  They may feel used. Ripped off. But there is a difference between feeling like a stepping stone and being a stepping stone.

Everyone gets something out of a relationship or the expiration of one. But only if you examine your piece, your contribution, how you were, why you were the way you were, and how that played into the dysfunction of the relationship.  No matter how “bad” the other person was, he or she was only fifty percent.  Even people who were in abusive relationships played a part. The fact that they allowed it to happen or decided to stay in one is a “part”.  Exploring these pieces, if done in an honest way, will lead to revelations about yourself.  And that’s the difference between feeling like a stepping stone and being a stepping stone.  The more revelations you have -> the more opportunities for growth -> more tools, -> better version of yourself. If you reframe this way, you are no longer a victim.

If you’re in a relationship or just leaving one and don’t examine your piece but rather focus on all the shit the other person did or the fact that they couldn’t be the person you wanted them to be, you will be a stepping stone.  It will weigh you down, encourage anger, resentment, trust issues, jealousy, and so on… You may begin to feel hopeless and lose your belief in healthy love. And you will bring this attitude and energy into the next one, drastically minimizing the chances of that relationship to be successful.  This becomes a cycle.  The more it repeats, the bigger that stone gets.  

No one has to be a stepping stone.

It’s a choice.

- Angry

Top 25 questions to ask yourself about your relationship.

Rate each question 1 - 5.


1.      
Safety.

Are there things your partner says or does that injure your spirit?

1 =   My partner opens up my chest and shoots arrows into the core of my being

5 =  Even when things are not perfect, I still feel fundamentally safe and loved

2.       Needs- your part.

Are you in touch with your emotional needs and think enough of yourself to express them?

1 =  I hold things in and exist in the relationship behind a secret wall of resentment

5 = The relationship stems from us knowing what we require to be happy and providing it for each other

3.       Needs- their part.

Does your partner show you that they value you by honoring your needs? Or do they steamroller you and put their own needs first?

1 =  What I need does not carry much weight in this relationship

5 = My relationship is so satisfying it has become a main source of fuel in my life

4.       Blueprints.

If you were to define what you want love to look and feel like regardless of everything you know to be true, and practicality and logic, how closely does the love you have now match this picture?

1 =  Two pictures couldn’t be any more different

5 =  Almost exactly

5.       Patterns.

Sometimes our definition of love is based on what we learned growing up, not what is best for us as individuals. Does your relationship mimic unhealthy historical patterns in your family?

1 = The answer to this question is frightening

5 =  I broke the patterns I saw within my family and found a relationship where my heart is free from all of that

6.      Desires.

I have secret dreams, desires, cravings, fantasies. If I let my partner in on them, they would:

1 = Condemn me, not be able to relate, ignore me or shut me down.

5 = Come to life at the thought of these notions and embark on a memorable adventure

7.       Threshold of pain.

We all have an level of pain that we accept, some people accept being in pain all the time, some not at all. Whatever your threshold is, is what you end up with. I feel pain within my relationship:

1 =  Love is pain. Offspring said it best, “the more you suffer the more it shows you really care.”

5 =  It is just an occasional passing clod that reminds me how bright the sun is

8.       Center of gravity.

1 = The relationship is unbalanced. I revolve around my partners needs and lifestyle

5 =  We each have our own center of gravity but our orbits are in sync

9.       Vulnerability.

When I reveal something to my partner that is difficult:

1 = They are reactive

5 =  They realize how much courage it took, they put their own ego and reactions aside and create a safe space for me to express myself

10.   Home.

Not the physical space.   The emotion space created.  Do you see home in their eyes?  What does home feel like for you?

1 =  Like a cheap motel room with scratchy sheets

5 =  Total refuge. My tension melts away and the world just feels right

11.   Uniqueness.

There are qualities in my partner that I see:

1 = Are generic and replaceable

5 =  I didn’t know existed in real people and I doubt I could replace

12.   Wholeness.

There are things about my partner that aggravate the sh*t out of me

1 =  I fantasize about being alone frequently

5 =  I see them as a whole person and I love how their weaknesses are also strengths in other application

13.   Growth.

Over time, our love has changed:

1 =  It is now full of weeds and traps

5 =   It has grown into something more alive and beautiful than ever before

14.   Intimacy.

Sex is:   

1 =  A thought that exhausts me and secretly turns my stomach

5 =  An act of celebrating all of things you they are to you

15.   Gut feeling.

Things look amazing on paper, but secretly I have this nagging feeling that something just isn’t right or something is missing.

1 = Yes but I tell that voice to shut up because logically I should love this person

5 =  Nope. My heart is 100% on board with this person

16.   Synergy.

We have a strong friendship, we are a team, we are moving in the same overall directions and because of this we feed off each others energy .

1 = Our energies fight and drain each other

5 =  Life seems brighter and easier with my partner in my life

17.   Connection.

We have a bond that is:

1 = So cool, we like all the same music and sports teams

5 = Rare and deep and really beyond words

18.   Chemistry.

1 = They are good for me. They are a great person. There must be something wrong with me that I don’t feel amazing fireworks.

5 =  There’s something electric in the air between us

19.   Expression:

I say “I love you” because:

1 =  It is expected of me

5 =  My heart is bursting with feelings that I can’t contain

20.   Forgiveness.

There are things that have happened that we haven’t completely forgiven each other for.

1 =  It is impossible to forgive when the stuff that hurt me is still happening

5 =  But I see how ultimately these things helped us understand each other better and strengthened our bond

21.   Reciprocity.

Relationships with a one-way flow become draining and boring.

1 = There is clearly one of us who wears the mentor hat

5 =  There is an even exchange in the ability to inspire, comfort, and broaden perspectives in each other

22.   Support.

I am able to do things in life that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise because of the support of my partner

1 =  They feel like dead weight, I could go further alone

5 = My partner is an integral part of my growth and success

23.   The fit.

Sometimes we talk ourselves into things because they go together logically. If my relationship were a jig saw puzzle:

1 =  Sometimes the tooling is a bit off and we have to slam the picture with our fists to make the pieces fit together

5 = The pieces are laser cut and slip together effortlessly which in turn makes the picture more impactful

24.   Magic.

When I think about our collision, the beginnings of our relationship, the growth of it, and all our experiences

1 = It’s a pretty standard love story

5 = I am amazed at how exactly what I needed was sent into my life at exactly the right time

25.   If you truly believed you were an amazing, attractive, wonderful,  rare, special person, would you be in this relationship?

1=  No. I guess I’m in it because it fits what I think of myself.

5 =  Without a doubt

Get your score HERE.

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