Habits are hard to break. You know this because you can’t break the bad ones you have. Use what you struggle with for good. A major part of growth is about changing behavior. One tool to change behavior is to create habits.
Every time you fight, tell yourself you will try to understand before being understood. When making decisions, ask yourself if it’s coming from a Solid or Pseudo place. When responding, take a good three seconds to think before responding. Once you got this down, see if you can push it two five. Do one thoughtful thing a week for your person (a note, a text, a card). Remind yourself what you love about your person at the same time, every day. On your drive to work, instead of thinking about what needs to be done, review the thought patterns you would like to change. On your drive home from work, sing.
Every day at lunch, right before you eat, remind yourself to focus on the process instead of the product, starting with what’s on your plate in front of you. Try to look people in the eyes, no matter who they are or what they do. Make it a game. Every time you don’t, you must ask a co-worker you don’t know that well how they’re doing. Don’t think about work on the drive to or from home. Spend two minutes every morning reminding yourself that you are sharing your gifts. Not making money.
Before, after, or during work, have a plan that fits your lifestyle. Maybe it’s a morning run, a certain amount of sit ups / squats before going to bed, a class, a video. But make sure you do it at the same time continuously. Once your body adjusts, it will begin to crave it. Your routine will gain momentum and fitness won’t be a heavy “I gotta”, but just a normal part of your life, like brushing your teeth. Take the stairs when possible. Walk after dinner with someone you want to have some a good conversation with and you’ll forget that you’re walking. Try to sweat during sex. That means move around.
Don’t allow yourself to eat after a certain time at night. When eating out, instead of finishing your plate, always take a portion home. Make sure you drink a tall glass of water right when you wake up. Eat some colors (vegetables) before you allow yourself to get anything else. Use honey instead of sugar. Drink a tall glass of water before bed. Don’t eat snacks out of the bag. Ever. Instead of using a scale, let the tightness of your pants be the measuring meter. Focus on feeling instead of numbers. Don’t buy pants you know you won’t feel good in. Never eat because you’re bored.
There’s going to be people who hate you and people who love you and to the people who hate you, try to throw love at them in the most honest way that you can without hating yourself, because love will always disarm hate. Love comes from courage. Hate stems from fear. Strength will always be found in courage. Not fear. So maybe reframe love and hate to courage and fear, and the next time you feel hate toward someone, know that you are afraid. Of what? I don’t know. That’s for you to find out. Because that’s where the stretch is, where freedom and better sleep lives. To love when hated is to live because to live means to be courageous every single day and to throw love at someone you don’t like is a daily choice. To hate when hated is to die because pulling from fear daily is death.
(This post was inspired by something Nikki K wrote)
Let’s face it. You’re going to be nervous. It’s going to be hot. It’s going to hurt. You’re going to wonder why you signed up for this in the first place. You will compare yourself to others, especially since many know each other from the Crossfit community. You will put pressure on yourself. You may be disappointed.
Everyone has their own reasons for competing tomorrow. And I think what’s important is that you know what yours is. Some want their chance at the podium. Others just want a t-shirt. Whatever your reason is, know that it’s valid. But more importantly that it’s yours and don’t allow anyone to take that away from you. Because it has to do with your story and it’s an integral piece of your journey. That is the nectar the competition. Not the awards.
All competitions can be a total mind fuck because we, including myself, usually attach our performance to worth. And for me to say don’t do that would be like telling a struggling addict to stop using because it can be harmful. But here’s the thing to remember. Tomorrow is not about fun. And people who say “just have fun” may mean well but they’re pulling from a broken record player, not reality. Tomorrow is about courage. You have made a decision to go out and fight an honest fight, to tap into your inner warrior, or for some meet theirs, to give yourself an opportunity for a new experience, in my opinion the greatest door to growth, and to chase the flickering light at the end of a very long tunnel knowing that you can hold it in your hand and blow it out as you can go to sleep that night. And that is the win. The fact that you have made the choice to enter a space that is both mentally and physically challenging, to show in execution what curious about your potential looks like. And if you can look at it that way, hopefully you can see that the outcome is secondary to your bravery.
Whether you took my Mindset workshop or not, I am proud of every one of you who signed up
And I am super excited and honored to spend another miserable fucking long day with you.
Let’s destroy ourselves with the biggest “fuck yeah” grin we can.
- Angry aka Johnkim
If you or someone you know is struggling with a sex addiction, I have a great catalyst for you who does phone sessions.