Rate each question 1 - 5.
Are there things your partner says or does that injure your spirit?
1 = My partner opens up my chest and shoots arrows into the core of my being
5 = Even when things are not perfect, I still feel fundamentally safe and loved
2. Needs- your part.
Are you in touch with your emotional needs and think enough of yourself to express them?
1 = I hold things in and exist in the relationship behind a secret wall of resentment
5 = The relationship stems from us knowing what we require to be happy and providing it for each other
3. Needs- their part.
Does your partner show you that they value you by honoring your needs? Or do they steamroller you and put their own needs first?
1 = What I need does not carry much weight in this relationship
5 = My relationship is so satisfying it has become a main source of fuel in my life
If you were to define what you want love to look and feel like regardless of everything you know to be true, and practicality and logic, how closely does the love you have now match this picture?
1 = Two pictures couldn’t be any more different
5 = Almost exactly
Sometimes our definition of love is based on what we learned growing up, not what is best for us as individuals. Does your relationship mimic unhealthy historical patterns in your family?
1 = The answer to this question is frightening
5 = I broke the patterns I saw within my family and found a relationship where my heart is free from all of that
I have secret dreams, desires, cravings, fantasies. If I let my partner in on them, they would:
1 = Condemn me, not be able to relate, ignore me or shut me down.
5 = Come to life at the thought of these notions and embark on a memorable adventure
7. Threshold of pain.
We all have an level of pain that we accept, some people accept being in pain all the time, some not at all. Whatever your threshold is, is what you end up with. I feel pain within my relationship:
1 = Love is pain. Offspring said it best, “the more you suffer the more it shows you really care.”
5 = It is just an occasional passing clod that reminds me how bright the sun is
8. Center of gravity.
1 = The relationship is unbalanced. I revolve around my partners needs and lifestyle
5 = We each have our own center of gravity but our orbits are in sync
When I reveal something to my partner that is difficult:
1 = They are reactive
5 = They realize how much courage it took, they put their own ego and reactions aside and create a safe space for me to express myself
Not the physical space. The emotion space created. Do you see home in their eyes? What does home feel like for you?
1 = Like a cheap motel room with scratchy sheets
5 = Total refuge. My tension melts away and the world just feels right
There are qualities in my partner that I see:
1 = Are generic and replaceable
5 = I didn’t know existed in real people and I doubt I could replace
There are things about my partner that aggravate the sh*t out of me
1 = I fantasize about being alone frequently
5 = I see them as a whole person and I love how their weaknesses are also strengths in other application
Over time, our love has changed:
1 = It is now full of weeds and traps
5 = It has grown into something more alive and beautiful than ever before
1 = A thought that exhausts me and secretly turns my stomach
5 = An act of celebrating all of things you they are to you
15. Gut feeling.
Things look amazing on paper, but secretly I have this nagging feeling that something just isn’t right or something is missing.
1 = Yes but I tell that voice to shut up because logically I should love this person
5 = Nope. My heart is 100% on board with this person
We have a strong friendship, we are a team, we are moving in the same overall directions and because of this we feed off each others energy .
1 = Our energies fight and drain each other
5 = Life seems brighter and easier with my partner in my life
We have a bond that is:
1 = So cool, we like all the same music and sports teams
5 = Rare and deep and really beyond words
1 = They are good for me. They are a great person. There must be something wrong with me that I don’t feel amazing fireworks.
5 = There’s something electric in the air between us
I say “I love you” because:
1 = It is expected of me
5 = My heart is bursting with feelings that I can’t contain
There are things that have happened that we haven’t completely forgiven each other for.
1 = It is impossible to forgive when the stuff that hurt me is still happening
5 = But I see how ultimately these things helped us understand each other better and strengthened our bond
Relationships with a one-way flow become draining and boring.
1 = There is clearly one of us who wears the mentor hat
5 = There is an even exchange in the ability to inspire, comfort, and broaden perspectives in each other
I am able to do things in life that I wouldn’t be able to do otherwise because of the support of my partner
1 = They feel like dead weight, I could go further alone
5 = My partner is an integral part of my growth and success
23. The fit.
Sometimes we talk ourselves into things because they go together logically. If my relationship were a jig saw puzzle:
1 = Sometimes the tooling is a bit off and we have to slam the picture with our fists to make the pieces fit together
5 = The pieces are laser cut and slip together effortlessly which in turn makes the picture more impactful
When I think about our collision, the beginnings of our relationship, the growth of it, and all our experiences
1 = It’s a pretty standard love story
5 = I am amazed at how exactly what I needed was sent into my life at exactly the right time
25. If you truly believed you were an amazing, attractive, wonderful, rare, special person, would you be in this relationship?
1= No. I guess I’m in it because it fits what I think of myself.
5 = Without a doubt
Get your score HERE.